MEN'S 28 DAYS TO LOVING MY WIFE CHALLENGE DAY 14 - INTIMACY # 7

INCONSISTENCY 

Theme Verse: Ephesians 5:29
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

In many marriages, intimacy is inconsistent.  The reason can vary. It may be because of illness, commuting or other extenuating circumstances.  It could also mean that some men don't want to be bothered.  Believe it or not- Women are not the only ones who hold back!  

Isn't it amazing that today's topic falls on Valentine's Day?
Whether you celebrate or not, get ready....
IT'S TIME TO "COME TOGETHER AGAIN!" 

1 Corinthians 7:5 King James Version (KJV)
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Faithfulness is also another major problem with intimacy. Men your are advised by the wise King to drink water from your own cisterns and wells, and be satisfied with your wife only! 

 

Proverbs 5:15-21 King James Version (KJV)
Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.
Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?
For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings.

TODAY'S ACTIVITY- GET PHYSICAL

DISCLAIMER: THE ACT OF INTIMACY IS FOR MARRIED COUPLES ONLY!
Single? Use for information only!
Do what pleasures your wife-However, I DO NOT condone, promote, suggest anal sex! I believe it is unnatural and unhealthy!

Reflect on the scriptures above, and on one of the meaning of intimacy-"an intimate act, sexual relations" answer honestly the following:

When last you touched your wife intimately?
Is your "coming together again" like a Sabbath - once a week,
Cylce-once a month, Seasonal-Once a quarter or Valentine's Day-once a year?
Do you schedule, plan or spontaneously engaged in intimate moments/relations?
Are you always grumpy, too tired or can't be bothered?
Do you avoid intimacy by overworking, watching TV or...?
Do you withhold intimate moments as punishment?
Is your desire elsewhere?
The scripture states that you should not defraud except it is with consent and only for a time that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer. However, are you always on a fast?

Here are some Dos' and Don'ts
Caress her affectionately - Don't grab her
Sensitively touch her - Don't manhandle her
Kiss her gently - Don't be a savage
Hug her tenderly - Don't try to smother or suffocate
Let her lead - Don't be pushy
Pleasure her - Don't be selfish
Compliment her efforts - Don't compare her
Let her love lavish you - DON'T CHEAT on her

Caution: Don't try to be intimate if you have not settled your morning argument! Sex is not the answer to problems and a plaster to every sore. Learn to communicate and be intimate!

Remember,
MARRIAGE IS A TEAM EFFORT-COMMON PURPOSE!

Don't be discouraged if she doesn't receive it at first or perhaps question your motive. Just do it- Get Close up! and watch God in the next 28 days!

Please leave your comments, and help another brother by sharing this post!

Facebook #28daystolovingmywife 
Taking the risk-training to enhance your marriage and give the next generation a change to emulate.

God Bless you and Keep the Faith! 

Virtuous Jewel

MEN'S 28 DAYS TO LOVING MY WIFE CHALLENGE DAY 13 - INTIMACY # 6

CULTIVATE ROMANCE 

During courtship whether you think about it or not, romance is displayed. Men are patient, buy gifts/flowers and are very gentle However, as they become comfortable and settle in marriage, time is not spent to cultivate romance, passion dies and life becomes very routine. 

Theme Verse: Ephesians 5:29

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Moving along to Phase 6, let's get romantic!
Women are saying, Romance is dead- Can we resurrect her? 

TODAY'S ACTIVITY- IT'S TIME FOR ROMANCE 

Men what's your view of the word romance?
Here are some feedback:
Flowers, a cozy candlelight dinner, holding hands, spending personal time together.

Building on our first week's session of communication and this week's feed, you have prepared yourself for romance.
You are cleaned up, cleaned your environment/created a cozy atmosphere, got rid of the crowd, learnt your wife's love language and gotten "naked" 

IT'S TIME TO WOO HER!

Have your relationship gotten stale? Pursue her like you did when you were courting her. (I'm sure you have some new ideas)
Has she lost interest? Seek her attention, flatter her with words of admiration, or her love language preference
Don't have money to do anything romantic? Turn on the music, let a lovely song serenade her and give her a cup of tea or a nice soft drink, take an evening stroll or a walk on the beach, let her lie in your arms, stroking her hair or massaging her shoulders...
Is she sad or perhaps bored? Strike her fancy-put on a show, get sexy with some new outfits (you not her) new boxers, cologne or hair cut...
Very routine life? Do something special-cook her favorite meal, write a poem, draw a scented bath, go to a cozy spot outdoors..

DO SOMETHING!!!

Caution: Get excited yourself. If you make this a dread or routine, she is not going to be engaged! Watch what you say and don't exaggerate about what you doing!!!

Remember,
MARRIAGE IS A TEAM EFFORT-COMMON PURPOSE!

Don't be discouraged if she doesn't receive it at first or perhaps question your motive. Just do it- Get Close up, and watch God in the next 28 days!

Please leave your comments, and help another brother by sharing this post!

#28daystolovingmywife or www.twigscog.org
Taking the risk-training to enhance your marriage and give the next generation a change to emulate.

God Bless you and Keep the Faith! 

Virtuous Jewel 

MEN'S 28 DAYS TO LOVING MY WIFE CHALLENGE DAY 11 - INTIMACY #5

WITHOUT SEXUAL ADVANCES

Can you get naked without sexual advances?

YES!!!! You sure can- by being open, fearless and unashamed.

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Theme Verse: Ephesians 5:29
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Phase 4 - It's time to get Naked!!!!
Wait don't take your clothes off just yet!!!!!

TODAY'S ACTIVITY- TAKE THE MASK OFF

What are you masking or hiding?
Reflecting back to the meaning of the word intimacy

Let's pay attention to these synonyms: friendship; closeness, togetherness, rapport, attachment, friendliness, friendship,

Have you shared your love preference with your best friend, your wife?

Are you close enough to tell her your personal secrets?

Are you making excuses for your non-performance?

Are you building rapport or you quiet and open up only when you want to be intimate?

It's time to take the mask off?

Learn to have sex talk with your wife

Do you have difficulty talking about or discussing sex?

Take the time to put off your professional or religious cloak and get naked enough to arouse her interest.

WITHOUT ANY SEXUAL ADVANCES......
Tonight, do something unusual. Instead of the silent approach or the 'REGULAR MENU",(you should be good at communicating from last week's session) and even if you are not shy, try something sensual, open and personal- tell her what arouses you, tell her what will encourage you to perform better. tell her what you LIKE about her.

Have that open discussion that fans her flame and you won't even have to ask for anything. Express your feelings, she needs to hear it from you!

Caution: Don't forget it's not about you!!!! Be genuine with your sensuality so she doesn't think you just want to have sex.

Remember,
MARRIAGE IS A TEAM EFFORT-COMMON PURPOSE!

Don't be discouraged if she doesn't receive it at first or perhaps question your motive. Just do it- Get Close up!Watch God in the next 28 days!

Please leave your comments, and help another brother by sharing this post!
#28daystolovingmywife 

Taking the risk-training to enhance your marriage and give the next generation a change to emulate.

God bless you and Keep the Faith!

Virtuous Jewel

MEN'S 28 DAYS TO LOVING MY WIFE CHALLENGE DAY 10 - INTIMACY # 4

KNOW HER LOVE PREFERENCE

There is no benefit in doing an act for someone if it does not interest them.  Both the giver and receiver loses.  It can create frustration for both and create relationship issues that can be avoided if you learn their love preference. 

Theme Verse: Ephesians 5:29
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Getting ready for that special moment? Moving on to Phase 4

TODAY'S ACTIVITY: LOOK FOR THE HINTS

It's not just about you- Find out what about your spouse love preference.
Are you forcing her to be like an ex, commercial or another admirer?
Are you comparing her to others?
Are you taking time to understand her?
Do you know her "I need you" hints?
Are you selfish and think only about what pleases you?
Are you encouraging her or criticizing her efforts
Are you trying to win her with gifts to take the place of quality time?
Are you abrupt with your affection?
Are you still having difficulty in communicating words of affection, (ie... I love you, I need you, appreciate, care....)?

If you are still challenged visit and review week 1 on Communication to assist you in how to say it.

1 Corinthians 7:2-4 (MSG)
Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

Recommend that you read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman to learn more about your wife's love language preference

Words of Affirmation - Like words to affirm
Acts of Service - Wants to see action
Receiving Gifts - Gifts make them feel loved
Quality Time - Wants your time and undivided attention
Physical Touch - Wants affection through touching, hug/smooch..

Caution: Don't try to tell your spouse what she should like-She is not wired like you.Encourage her to accommodate you not criticize her about being someone else.

Remember,
MARRIAGE IS A TEAM EFFORT-COMMON PURPOSE!
Don't be discouraged if she doesn't receive it at first or perhaps question your motive. Just do it- Get Close up-Watch God in the next 28 days!

Please leave your comments, and help another brother by sharing this post!

#28daystolovingmywife
Taking the risk-training to enhance your marriage and give the next generation a change to emulate. 

God Bless you and Keep the Faith! 

Virtuous Jewel 

MEN'S 28 DAYS TO LOVING MY WIFE CHALLENGE DAY 10 - INTIMACY # 3

 THREE IS A CROWD 

The adage, Three is a Crowd is very essential to intimacy.  Intimacy is shared relatively privately.   

Theme Verse: Ephesians 5:29
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Are you all cleaned up, and have you cleaned up your environment? Let's move to Phase 3.

TODAY'S ACTIVITY: TIME TO BE ALONE 

Your spouse does not want to be intimate if she feels that there are others who can hear or may suspect something is going on.

Do you always have company over?
Is the house overcrowded with relatives and friends?
Do you bring the children in the room?
Do you get interrupted by your friends or boss that interferes with your intimate moments?
Does your wife have your attention or are you always preoccupied?
Does your wife have privacy?

Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Not discrediting parents, but you don't need to live with your mother (unless is a temporary or agreed upon arrangement).
Put the children to bed early or let them know mommy and daddy need time to be alone
Put guidelines so your friends could go home at reasonable hours to give you time to be with your wife
Set deadlines unless it's an emergency for work calls
Spend the last few minutes before bed focusing on your wife, her concerns or needs
Set boundaries for visitors, vacationers or temporary housing assistance.

Caution: Avoid having company that interferes with the privacy of intimacy and be sure that you wife is comfortable to be able to pleasure you.

Remember,
MARRIAGE IS A TEAM EFFORT-COMMON PURPOSE!
Don't be discouraged if she doesn't receive it at first or perhaps question your motive. Just do it- Get Close up!
Watch God in the next 28 days!

Please leave your comments, and help another brother by sharing this post!

#28daystolovingmywife or www.twigscog.org
Taking the risk-training to enhance your marriage and give the next generation a change to emulate.

God Bless you and Keep the Faith!

Virtuous Jewel

MEN'S 28 DAYS TO LOVING MY WIFE CHALLENGE DAY 9 - INTIMACY #2

PHASE 2

Theme Verse: Ephesians 5:29
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Are you all cleaned up from yesterday?

Let's move on to phase 2. You will begin the process building on a few of the synonyms of the word intimacy such as: warmth, amity, a private cozy atmosphere let's begin the process.

TODAY'S ACTIVITY: CLEAN YOUR ENVIRONMENT

This list of questions HAS everything to do with intimacy!!!

Is your environment/atmosphere set for intimacy?

Are you clothes, shoes, tools, gadgets, all over the place reflecting a trail of where you took off your clothes, played your last game, had you last meal etc...?

Is your living room a living room, your kitchen a kitchen and other areas of the house and yard as it was designed for without having just a trail for walking?

Is your bedroom environment set for just you and your spouse or does it include everything and everyone?

Does she share the space with you and your work?

Do you need to get rid of broken/old things that are on your "one of these days I'll fix it" list?

Do you need to get rid of clothing/shoes, books, magazines, old/not working things....from once upon a time?

Can everyone tell what you had for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks because the evidence is there? (ie..wrappers, bottles, dishes, leftovers etc...)

Do you need to do a little touch up paint, or perhaps get a new bed/comfortable mattress, create/spruce up the intimacy quarters?

This is not for post-hurricane/disaster or other temporary situations, (ie.. small home, work projects ...), but does it seem like there's always a disaster at your house? .......

Let's get to work and clean up for the moment of bliss!

Learn to put things away in their respectful places. If you don't have the time right away do so as soon as possible.
Get yourself a "me" corner - Put your favorite "toys", tools, necessary and important things there that way it won't interfere with the normal functioning of cleaning.
Sit in the family/living room- Try if you can not to have a television or game gadget in your bedroom.
Throw it Out - If it hasn't been used in a while get rid of it especially if you have a new one (unless it's something of value that can be sold and used-schedule to have it fixed)
Clean up after yourself- Learn to discipline yourself to do so. When you get up or shortly after throw your trash in the garbage, put your dish in the sink and pick up the things that fall or spill.
Check your atmosphere for intimacy- Invest in a good mattress or change the bed if it's broken. Get the windows, furniture and walls cleaned or painted. Create an atmosphere for intimacy by designing your room highlighted with various features, lighting, music system, mood enhancers etc..
Do a house renovation (does not have to include new things if it's not necessary) fix the doors, electrical wiring, windows, driveway and make your home comfortable and warm enough to come to.

Caution: Don't do this grudgingly or criticizing and with no pressure on your spouse with words, like, I'm doing this for you, you better- no threats or even a promise request!

Remember,
MARRIAGE IS A TEAM EFFORT-COMMON PURPOSE!
Don't be discouraged if she doesn't receive it at first or perhaps question your motive. Just do it- Get Close up!

Watch God in the next 28 days!
Please leave your comments, and help another brother by sharing this post!

#28daystolovingmywife or www.twigscog.org
Taking the risk-training to enhance your marriage and give the next generation a change to emulate.

God Bless you and Keep the Faith! 

Virtuous Jewel

MEN'S 28 DAYS TO LOVING MY WIFE CHALLENGE - DAY 8 INTIMACY #1

FRIENDSHIP AND CLOSENESS

Theme Verse: Ephesians 5:29
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Trust that you have gained some knowledge as you journeyed with me for the past 7 days. We are beginning a great topic which is very vital to the sustenance of the relationship.
Many may say that they don't need help there because all is well, but we want you to look at the depth of the word intimacy{into me you see}

DEFINING INTIMACY
Intimacy:
close familiarity or friendship; closeness, togetherness, affinity, rapport, attachment, familiarity, friendliness, friendship, amity, affection, warmth, confidence; informal chumminess;
a private cozy atmosphere.
an intimate act, especially sexual intercourse.
sexual relations, (sexual) intercourse, sex, lovemaking; .....

As you look at the meaning you will note that intimacy is closeness. I am sure you will agree that you cannot have intimacy or sexual relations unless you have a rapport or some sort of friendship. To have a private cozy atmosphere, some things must be taken care of. Therefore, before you can enjoy intimacy, there must be some things you need to do. 

TODAY'S ACTIVITY: TIME TO CLEAN UP

You cannot expect to be close if you are not cleaned up.
Have you been neglecting to take care of you?
Do you need a shave or haircut?
Do you need to visit the dentist or doctor?
Do you need to invest in some new clothes, perfumes or be a little more hygienic- cut your finger/toe nails?

2 Corinthians 2:15 (KJV)
For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ, in them that are saved, and in them that perish:

Today take a look at your physical body and see if there are any areas you need to take some time on. Do it for you first and your wife will appreciate it. To prepare yourself for intimacy...
Go to the barber, dentist, doctor
Get some relaxing, appealing or sexy clothing, perfume..
Get a manicure or pedicure or any area of your physical man you need to tidy up.

Caution: Don't say, what this has to do with intimacy- It has a lot because you can't get close up if you are not cleaned up. It makes a difference- A clean fresh cut, fresh breath, sweet smelling showered man is appealing to intimacy.

Remember, MARRIAGE IS A TEAM EFFORT-COMMON PURPOSE!
Don't be discouraged if she doesn't receive it at first or perhaps question your motive. Just do it- Break the silence!
Watch God in the next 28 days!

Please leave your comments, and help another brother by sharing this post!

#28daystolovingmywife or www.twigscog.org
Taking the risk-training to enhance your marriage and give the next generation a change to emulate.

God Bless you and Keep the Faith!

Virtuous Jewel